"And what next? (...) Little by little everything will return to normal. I'll find new interests, new acquaintances, but I won't be able to devote all of myself to them. (...) The only thing left to for me is to wait."

"We question life to seek out some meaning. Yet to preserve all the simple human truths we need mysteries. The mystery of happiness, death, love. (...)"

"Yes, what I need now is a touch of the unimaginable, coloured for preference, that would do me good."

"Religion comes from the period of human prehistory where nobody — not even the mighty Democritus who concluded that all matter was made from atoms — had the smallest idea of what was going on. It comes from the bawling and fearful infancy of our species, and is a babyish attempt to meet our inescapable demand for knowledge (...)"

"Normally I didn’t see a great deal. I didn’t hear a great deal either. I didn’t pay attention. Strictly speaking I wasn’t there. Strictly speaking I believe I’ve never been anywhere."

"Won't let the creeping ivy
Won't let the nervous bury me
Our veins are thin
Our rivers poisoned"

"When you're in the muck, you can only see muck. If you somehow manage to float above it, you still see the muck, but you see it from a different perspective. And you see other things, too. That's the consolation of philosophy"

sobre tudo aquilo que não se pode controlar.

"(...) The intervention of the camera necessarily distorts and alters human behaviour, ergo the resulting piece of film cannot be objective or truthful so that film is deemed to have failed. Why failure? It is perhaps more generous and worth while to simply accept that a documentary can never be the real world, that the camera can never capture life as it would have unravelled had it not interfered, and the results of this collision between apparatus and subject are what constitutes a documentary – not the utopian vision of what might have transpired if only the camera had not been there."

"There are too many ideas and things and people. Too many directions to go. I was starting to believe the reason it matters to care passionately about something, is that it whittles the world down to a more manageable size."

"I am free and that is why I am lost."

da aniquilação pela vida prática: dois meses já planejados pra domínio do photoshop.

(e a consequente constante criação surgida disto)

sobre este ano: percepção de isolamento é apenas real na sua forma mais crua.

após a percepção, a busca por sua aniquilação.

negação do terceiro sujeito, e retorno ao primeiro.

"Quando a tecnologia e o dinheiro tiverem conquistado o mundo; quando qualquer acontecimento em qualquer lugar e a qualquer tempo se tiver tornado acessível com rapidez; quando se puder assistir em tempo real a um atentado no ocidente e a um concerto sinfônico no oriente; quando tempo significar apenas rapidez online; quando o tempo, como história, houver desaparecido da existência de todos os povos, quando um esportista ou artista de mercado valer como grande homem de um povo; quando as cifras em milhões significarem triunfo, - então, justamente então – reviverão como fantasma as perguntas: para quê? Para onde? E agora? A decadência dos povos já terá ido tão longe, que quase não terão mais força de espírito para ver e avaliar a decadência simplesmente como... Decadência. Essa constatação nada tem a ver com pessimismo cultural, nem tampouco, com otimismo... O obscurecimento do mundo, a destruição da terra, a massificação do homem, a suspeita odiosa contra tudo que é criador e livre, já atingiu tais dimensões, que categorias tão pueris, como pessimismo e otimismo, já haverão de ter se tornado ridículas."

"It tastes like ashes."

"[the existence of God, life after death, the meaning of life] were always obsessions of mine, even as a very young child. These were things that interested me as the years went on. My friends were more preoccupied with social issues-issues such as abortion, racial discrimination, and Communism-and those issues just never caught my interest. Of course they mattered to me as a citizen to some degree...but they never really caught my attention artistically. I always felt that the problems of the world would never ever be solved until people came to terms with the deeper issues-that there would be an aimless reshuffling of world leaders and governments and programs. There was a difference, of course, but it was a minor difference as to who the president was and what the issues were. They seemed major, but as you step back with perspective they were more alike than they were different. The deeper issues always interested me."

"In the times of bigness, spectaculars, one hundred million dollar movie productions, I want to speak for the small, invisible acts of human spirit: so subtle, so small, that they die when brought out under the Klieg lights. I want to celebrate the small forms of cinema: the lyrical form, the poem, the watercolor, etude, sketch, portrait, arabesque, and bagatelle, and little 8mm songs. In the times when everybody wants to succeed and sell, I want to celebrate those who embrace social and daily failure to pursue the invisible, the personal things that bring no money and no bread and make no contemporary history, art history or any other history."

"It is when we try to grapple with another man’s intimate need that we perceive how incomprehensible, wavering, and misty are the beings that share with us the sight of the stars and the warmth of the sun. It is as if loneliness were a hard and absolute condition of existence; the envelope of flesh and blood on which our eyes are fixed melts before the outstretched hand, and there remains only the capricious, unconsolable, and elusive spirit that no eye can follow, no hand can grasp."

"And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I've felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody."

"Interior liberty is universal."

"(...) But you must have imperfect hours to get perfect hours. You must kill ten hours to make two hours live. What you must be careful of is not to kill all the hours, all the years."

note to self: creation can come from routine.

"For Peixoto, the experience offered by Limite cannot be adequately captured by language, but was made to be felt. Therefore, the spectator should subjugate himself to the images as to “anguished cords of a synthetic and pure language of cinema”. According to the director, his film is “meticulously precise as invisible wheels of a clock”, where long shots are surrounded and linked by shorter ones as in a “planetary system”. Peixoto characterizes Limite as a “desperate scream” aiming for resonance instead of comprehension. “The movie does not want to analyze. It shows. It projects itself as a tuning fork, a pitch, a resonance of time itself”, capturing the flow between past and present, object details and contingence as if it had always “existed in the living and in the inanimate”, or detaching itself tacitly from them."

"There are days when solitude, for someone my age, is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall."

"Our heads are round so thought can change direction."

sobre a época da ignorância (imposta pelo cinema):

quentin tarantino e robert rodriguez deveriam ser proibidos de fazer filmes.

em oposição, david lynch em 1080p é alucinante.

"To understand is to perceive patterns."

interações humanas são puramente feita de padrões.

a negação disto é apenas em si mesmo.

"For me, distance montage opens up the mysteries of the movement of the universe. I can feel how everything is made and put together; I can sense its rhythmic movement."

"Why did I get involved? Is it because Jean-Luc has been my friend for 20 years? Or is it because Jean-Luc is the world’s greatest filmmaker? Jean-Luc Godard is not the only director for whom filming is like breathing, but he’s the one who breathes best. He is rapid like Rossellini, sly like Sacha Guitry, musical like Orson Wells, simple like Pagnol, wounded like Nicholas Ray, effective like Hitchcock, profound like Bergman, and insolent like nobody else. Professor Chiarini, Director of the Venice Film Festival, says: 'There’s cinema before Godard; and cinema after Godard.' It’s true, and as the years pass it’s increasingly clear that Breathless has marked the cinema, that it’s a decisive turning point, like Citizen Kane in 1940. Godard blew the system up, he messed it up, just like Picasso did with painting; and like Picasso, Godard has made everything possible. More prosaically, I can say that I have become a producer of the thirteenth film of Jean-Luc Godard because I noticed that the people who invested money in the preceding twelve masterpieces got rich."

"I spent a great deal of my life being ignored. I was always very happy that way. Being ignored is a great privilege. That is how I think I learnt to see what others do not see and to react to situations differently. I simply looked at the world, not really prepared for anything."

“The square root of I is I.”

(mais e mais seletivo de quais egos alheios suportar)

"Perhaps my life is nothing but an image of this kind; perhaps I am doomed to retrace my steps under the illusion that I am exploring, doomed to try and learn what I should simply recognize, learning a mere fraction of what I have forgotten."

You're only buried with your ideologies.

"There’s no art to find the mind’s construction in the face."

"Your mind is restless
They say you're getting better
But you don't feel any better"

"Dying should come easy:
like a freight train you
don't hear when
your back is
turned."

“

There is much to be said for contentment and painlessness, for these bearable and submissive days, on which neither pain nor pleasure is audible, but pass by whispering and on tip-toe. But the worst of it is that it is just this contentment that I cannot endure. After a short time it fills me with irrepressible hatred and nausea. In desperation I have to escape and throw myself on the road to pleasure, or, if that cannot be, on the road to pain.

For what I always hated and detested and cursed above all things was this contentment, this healthiness and comfort, this carefully preserved optimism of the middle classes, this fat and prosperous brood of mediocracy.

”

"I can't explain why it's a sin the state I'm living in
i just feel so tired
I go outside"

"I think that art has something to do with an arrest of attention in the midst of distraction."

"(...) para que serve a vida? não sei. talvez não sirva pra nada. talvez se resuma a um ininterrupto exercício de minimizar perdas. trabalha-se para não morrer de fome. quando já se tem o suficiente, acumulamos para não morrer de fome no futuro. ou para exibir cultura e dinheiro. bebemos sucos naturais e corremos na esteira para retardar nosso apodrecimento físico, ainda que inevitável. entorpecemo-nos de álcool, sexo e congêneres imaginando driblar assim o tédio. amamo-nos na ilusão de eliminar a solidão como condição primária. minimizar perdas. de qualquer modo, é tudo que temos (...)"

"Oh see, first off you gotta realize - everything for me is a reconstruction or deconstruction. I would actually say deconstruction (...)"

de constante desconstrução e reconstrução, resta a imobilidade.

(cotidiano de retorno ao ponto zero)

"Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked."

“Until we accept the fact that life itself is founded in mystery, we shall learn nothing.”

"I conceive of the film as a modern art form particularly interesting to the sense of sight. Painting has its own peculiar problems and specific sensations, and so has the film. But there are also problems in which the dividing line is obliterated, or where the two infringe upon each other. More especially, the cinema can fulfill certain promises made by the ancient arts, in the realization of which painting and film become close neighbors and work together."

“We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing."

“Quotations are useful in periods of ignorance or obscurantist beliefs.”

"Young people everywhere have been allowed to choose between love and a garbage disposal unit. Everywhere they have chosen the garbage disposal unit."

"You take every fucking feeling you have, put it in a box and bury it."

"The frame pauses briefly before the projector’s lamp, and then moves on. Our lives are accumulations of ephemeral images and moments that our consciousness constructs into a reality. No sooner have we grasped the present, it is relegated to the past, where it only exists in the subjective history of each individual. The images can be thought of as desires or memories: actions that take place in the mind. The film stock can be thought of as the body, that which enables these events to be seen. Like our own bodies, this celluloid is a fragile and ephemeral medium that can deteriorate in countless ways."

“Anybody who comes to the cinema is bringing their whole sexual history, their literary history, their movie literacy, their culture, their language, their religion, whatever they've got. I can't possibly manipulate all of that, nor do I want to.”

"Not that human life was so highly valued. Keeping order appears to be the business of the authorities, but in fact it's the business of all. Order. Freedom, however, has nothing human. It's something divine, something... our lives are too short for us to know properly. If you're looking for a link, think of Pericles, order and freedom are linked by passion. We have to believe in both, we suffer from both. Both from order and freedom. But human life is meaningful, rich, beautiful and filthy. It links everything. It mistreats freedom only... wasting it, as if it was junk. People don't like freedom, they are afraid of it. The strange thing is there is nothing to fear about freedom... order, on the other hand, can often be frightening."

"Photography is dead! It's all about death... memory, and desire, aging, and death."

"I still believe in humanity. I know it’s an illusion, but I want to believe.”

("Quero acreditar que todos nós temos a humanidade no sangue. É uma ilusão, eu sei.")

"The process of making films in communion with oneself, the way a painter works or a writer, need not now be solely experimental. Contrary to what people say, using the first-person in films tends to be a sign of humility: 'All I have to offer is myself'."

"And I don't want, and I don't want
To keep myself from moving on anyways
And I know how too many tough times
Can ruin the day from good ways

(If I wanna, when I need to
You know I could just
Come back to it anyhow)"

"- You're gonna land somewhere. You'll be fine. You're talented, you're smart. You're ready.

- What if I'm not?

- You want to know a secret? I spent my whole life being scared. Scared of not being ready, of not being right of not being who I should be. And where did it get me?

(...)

- You can't stay here!"

"Excuse me
But I just have to
Explode
Explode this body
Off me

I'll be brand new
Brand new tomorrow
A little bit tired
But brand new"

"The photographer is an armed version of the solitary walker reconnoitering, stalking, cruising the urban inferno, the voyeuristic stroller who discovers the city as a landscape of voluptuous extremes. Adept of the joys of watching, connoisseur of empathy, the flâneur finds the world 'picturesque"

"Solitude is indeed dangerous for a working intelligence. We need to have around us people who think and speak. When we are alone for a long time we people the void with phantoms"

"
Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. And intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way."

"(...) You'll have to learn to live in a very strange new world."

"The years shall run like rabbits,For in my arms I holdThe Flower of the Ages,And the first love of the world.'But all the clocks in the cityBegan to whirr and chime:You cannot conquer Time.
'In the burrows of the NightmareWhere Justice naked is,Time watches from the shadowAnd coughs when you would kiss.
'In headaches and in worryVaguely life leaks away,And Time will have his fancyTo-morrow or to-day."

‎"For me, the cinema is primarily a form. A film must have a form, otherwise it doesn't say anything. 'Form' is something visual, not intellectual. When I'm making a film I look a lot, and think very little. You think later, during the editing, not while you're shooting"

"I'm the hero of the story

Don't need to be saved

It's all right, it's all right, it's all right, it's all right

No one's got it all"

"não conseguiu firmar o nobre pacto

entre o cosmo sangrento e a alma pura

(...)

gladiador defunto, mas intacto

(tanta violência, mas tanta ternura)"

"But what is memory if not the language of feeling, a dictionary of faces and days and smells which repeat themselves like the verbs and adjectives in a speech, sneaking in behind the thing itself,into the pure present, making us sad or teaching us vicariously..."

"Nada de valor absoluto de uma imagem.

Imagens e sons só terão valor e força na utilização à qual você os destina."

se na literatura há "livro do desassossego", em cinema um paralelo equivalente com "notas sobre o cinematógrafo".

"Stop the mindless wishing that things would be different. Rather than wasting time and emotional and spiritual energy in explaining why we don't have what we want, we can start to pursue other ways to get it."

"(...) Tied to a night they never met

You know it's time
That we grow old and do some shit"

"(...) who dreamt and made incarnate gaps in Time & Space through images juxtaposed, and trapped the archangel of the soul between 2 visual images and joined the elemental verbs and set the noun and dash of consciousness together jumping (...)"

"You are no longer inaccessible, the limpid, the transparent one (...) You are waiting."

"Because now I am grown so old and neutral...."

"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired."

"(...) Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that."

"Only by living absurdly is it possible to break out of this infinite absurdity."

‘The man’s the work. Something doesn’t come out of nothing"

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

"I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken.' And, uh, the doctor says, 'Well, why don't you turn him in?' The guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs."

"I learned that just beneath the surface, there's another world, and still different worlds as one digs deeper. Nothing is as it seems -- I knew it as a kid, but couldn't find proof. It was just a feeling. There is goodness like those blue skies and flowers, but another force -- a wild pain and decay also accompanies everything."

5. i don't express a lot of things that i should express.

7. i try to avoid disagreements all the time.

9. i am too sensitive, for a lot of things.

10. i don't like, at all, how people try to find sense in everything and how they hate the lack of sense that exists in life.

11. if i don't make a carrer in cinema, i'll be really miserable.

13. i do believe in astrology, more than i should.

14. my biggest fear is to suffer some bad psychical violence.

15. i hate the ideas of nations, and patriotism.

16. i dispise any justifications to war and use of weapons, of any kind.

18. i prefer to be disliked by my ideas and beliefs than be liked by agreeing to bullshits.

19. i was sure about having a carrer in photography, not too sure these days.

23. i have a few close friends, not able to have a lot.

24. kindness is not a virtue to me, it's a necessity.

25. i feel deslocated and misundesrtood, most of the times.

(07/02/2009)

"These moments of escape are not to be despised. They come too seldom."

"Ser é perceber ou ser percebido."

"The endless cycle of idea and action,

Endless invention, endless experiment,

Brings knowledge of motion, but not of stillness;

Knowledge of speech, but not of silence;

Knowledge of words, and ignorance of the Word. "

"In spite of language, in spite of intelligence and intuition and sympathy, one can never really communicate anything to anybody. The essential substance of every thought and feeling remains incommunicable, locked up in the impenetrable strong-room of the individual soul and body. Our life is a sentence of perpetual solitary confinement."

"Nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate, nothing so childish
At a better pace, slower and more calculated, no chance of escape

(...)

Still kisses with saliva, no longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick

That's driven into frozen winter shit, the ability to laugh at weakness
Calm fitter, healthier and more productive, a pig in a cage on antibiotics"

"The more intensely you are alone, the more deeply you plunge into the state of solitude the more deeply you feel the connection."

"But in the end, he manages to resolve the question for himself - more or less. He finally comes to accept his own life, to understand that no matter how bewitched and haunted he is, he has to accept reality as it is, to tolerate the presence of ambiguity within himself."

"Ao longo das horas, dos dias, das semanas, das estações, você se desprende de tudo, desliga-se de tudo. Descobre, às vezes, quase com uma espécie de embriaguez, que você é livre, que nada lhe pesa, nada lhe agrada nem desagrada."

“(...) O drama de nosso século é a incomunicabilidade, que nos isola uns dos outros. Sua presença nos impede de resolver os problemas por nós mesmos. Mas não tenho a pretensão de encontrar uma solução”

"Narrator: It is a film. Everything is constructed. Still it hurts."

"I have a love in my life. It makes stronger than anything you can imagine."

há tempos que me percebi Barry Egan. há tempos que Lena Leonard só existe na ficção.

o tipo Barry é real demais para certas pessoas. complicado demais, diriam. demandam o tipo vazio e fácil de lidar.

"they say women are made of water. so are some men."

tudo provém de algo.

faça um filme sobre anjos caídos com uma grande angular.

don't analyse, stay lucid.

"(...) vc estava em movimento, vc estava deitada naquele palco, vc estava completa naquela foto em que eu via apenas parte do seu rosto, e então veio a sua voz, anunciando noites e tardes de encontros, noites e tardes para ouvir in rainbows, amnesiac, noites & tardes em que reencontramos nossos heróis, ian curtis foi o primeiro, dylan se aproximou de thom yorke até que chegássemos a daido, mr. daido moryiama (o homem das sombras e vestígios), eu sempre estive nas sombras, sempre estive no traço impreciso que não se identifica, na anotação incompleta e na letra que não se reconhece, vc sempre esteve no exato oposto: na luz excessiva que permite a suavidade, na precisão científica que permitia a angústia, no traço autêntico que eu nunca poderei alcançar - a sua dor é única, real, a minha se fragmenta tanto que ao se tornar múltipla permanece leve e narrativa, eu caminho como forma de reconhecer o movimento, vc sim está no verdadeiro fluxo, vc sim está naquela loja de discos com um cigarro aceso esperando pelo vinil de nara, vc sim está no leste - eu nunca estive - eu estava com os olhos baixos (...) entre esses extremos, entre a impossibilidade e o concreto, entre o momento em que eu baixei os olhos e vc acendeu o cigarro, o momento mais mágico, a sintonia mais visceral.. pois de tão rápido nada se percebe, uma intuição devastadora, uma sincronicidade anterior, um reencontro de séculos (...) e vc se aproximou sob a mesma intensidade, a mesma intuição que um dia me permitiu subir os olhos e a ver de costas - quando nossos rostos não se encontram, quando o seu grito é minha impermanência, eu posso dizer que sim, aceito essa aproximação, essa certeza de que vc está aqui, aqui dentro, quando dois se tornaram um, e nada mais precisa ser dito - o olhar já não permite o desvio."

"se sentir é criar,
e criar é estar vivo,
se estar vivo é encontrar,
e encontrar, na verdade, é reencontro,
se reencontro é privilegiar,
e privilegiar na verdade é esquecer,
posso resumir, de uma forma apressada, claro, todo o meu processo de escrever como um ato de esquecimento..

eu escrevo justamente porque esqueço..
esqueço tudo o que aconteceu.. tudo o que acabou de acontecer.. tudo o que está acontecendo justamente agora..

você sabe... estou aqui nesse café todas as noites,
como em uma espera, uma ante sala, um andar abaixo, quase como* (trecho não identificado da gravação)

eu escrevo porque é a melhor forma de se aproximar,
estar perto e não visível,
quase um desenho sonoro

você se lembra do bill evans?
vc se lembra daquelas noites no village?
ele falava daquele livro, lembra? aquele livro...

(nesse momento somos interrompidos por um grupo de amigos de jim)

vc ainda quer falar da escrita, cara? mas eu gosto mais é dos quadros..
bem.. eu escrevo.. eu escrevo porque essa foi (e sempre será) a melhor forma de não dizer..
de ocultar - tudo que se expressa aqui já é o desvio..
tudo que se representa já é limitado, vc sabe..

aquilo que sinto,
aquilo que trago aqui dentro de mais profundo,
isso eu ignoro e nunca poderei mostrar...

quando faço um filme, eu tento encarar todo esse processo como uma espécie de recordação..
eu visito as possíveis locações como se fossem vestígios de um lugar em que eu já estive..
eu olho atentamente para os atores buscando alguma sintonia improvável..
eu nunca quero o ator disponível, eu não quero aquele intérprete que quer trabalhar comigo..
eu quero justamente o que me diz não,
aquele que me ignora, que nunca me viu, que não pretende nada, que está isolado no bar pensando nas apostas que fez,
que não voltou ainda pois provavelmente não há para onde voltar..

e eu odeio terminar todo esse processo..
odeios a idéia de terminar um filme.. gosto do fotograma um a um.. gosto de ficar horas e horas no material bruto..
ali há uma música que dificilmente poderá ser ouvida novamente..

quando fiz o "blue in green", o evans me chamava toda noite.. não tinha energia elétrica na casa dele, não tinha mais bebidas, não tinha nada naquele apartamento..
a namorada dele o abandonou... a gente chegava do village e ele ficava tocando bach.. tinha uma ou outra vela por ali, vc sabe... um monte de livro de filosofia jogado...
ele me falava de uma garçonete pela qual ele se apaixonou...
mas havia tanta tristeza naquela paixão... tanta tristeza... não sei..

eu vi a dor mais profunda nos olhos daquele homem.
eu vi a solidão mais silenciosa..
afinal ele tocava todas as noites naquela época e tudo o que eu podia ouvir era o silêncio"

"Out of orbit
and I always will.

The pot is full,
let me take control,
let me take control."

"Tears alone
Lonely weapon
Art makes me forlorn
Art dies alone
Lonely army
Tears and alone
Art but alone
Here but alone
The weapon is lonely
Only art moves"

"Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes."

"Don’t accept the habitual as a natural thing.
In times of disorder, of organized confusion,
of de-humanized humanity,
nothing should seem natural.
Nothing should seem impossible to change.”

"188.

O homem vulgar, por mais dura que lhe seja a vida, tem ao menos a felicidade de a não pensar. Viver a vida decorrentemente, exteriormente, como um gato ou um cão — assim fazem os homens gerais, e assim se deve viver a vida para que possa contar a satisfação do gato e do cão.

Pensar é destruir. O próprio processo do pensamento o indica para o mesmo pensamento, porque pensar é decompor. Se os homens soubessem meditar no mistério da vida, se soubessem sentir as mil complexidades que espiam a alma em cada pormenor da ação, não agiriam nunca, não viveriam até. Matar-se-iam de assustados, como os que se suicidam para não ser guilhotinados no dia seguinte."

"Las horas han perdido su reloj"

"All profound distraction opens certain doors. You have to allow yourself to be distracted when you are unable to concentrate."

"Experience teaches slowly and at the cost of mistakes"

(estupidez própria sempre pior do que a estupidez alheia)

"I sometimes longed for someone who, like me, had not adjusted perfectly with his age, and such a person was hard to find; but I soon discovered cats, in which I could imagine a condition like mine, and books, where I found it quite often."

(gatos não compensam, livros compensam parcialmente, cinema e foto compensam mais. ainda sim, tudo é sempre projeção de algo. nunca algo em si, nunca o tal do real)

25 anos nunca comemorados.

"No estábamos enamorados, hacíamos el amor con un virutosísimo desapego y crítico, pero después caíamos en silencios terribles..."

“My creatures are born of a long denial"

"Sentido do real; apego à realidade, ao concreto; atitude prática de quem encara de frente a realidade, evitando que abstrações ou fantasias intervenham em sua conduta"

(...)

"- We translate every situation, every experience into the same old codes. We just condition ourselves.

- We're creatures of habits"

"Just a little while back, just before I died in fact. I was on the operating table and I was searching to try to find something to hang on to, you know, cause when you're dying your life really does become very authentic and I was reaching for something to give my life meaning and a memory flashed through my mind: It was one of those great spring days, it was Sunday, and you knew summer would be coming soon. And I remember that morning Dorrie and I had gone for a walk in the park and come back to the apartment. We were just sort of sitting around and I put on a record of Louie Armstrong which was music I grew up with and it was very, very pretty, and I happened to glance over and I saw Dorrie sitting there. And I remember thinking to myself how terrific she was and how much I loved her. And I don't know, I guess it was a combination of everything, the sound of the music, and the breeze, and how beautiful Dorrie looked to me and for one brief moment everything just seemed to come together perfectly and I felt happy, almost indestructible in a way. It's funny, that simple little moment of contact moved me in a very, very profound way."

"Pero podría ser, también, ya que nada se está quieto en el mundo en que vivimos, que ese fenómeno, la civilización del espectáculo, perezca sin pena ni gloria, por obra de su propia inanidad y nadería, y que otro lo reemplace, acaso mejor, acaso peor, en la sociedad del porvenir. Confieso que tengo poca curiosidad por el futuro, en el que, tal como van las cosas, tiendo a descreer."

"(...) Por isso, não faz mal que você não venha, esperarei quanto tempo for preciso."

"This friend of mine had a kid, and it was a home birth, so he was there helping out and everything. And he said at that profound moment of birth, he was watching this child, experiencing life for the first time, I mean, trying to take its first breath... all he could think about was that he was looking at something that was gonna die someday. He just couldn't get it out of his head. And I think that's so true, I mean, all - everything is so finite. But don't you think that that's what, makes our time, at specific moments, so important? "

"(...) I feel like this is, uh, some dream world we're in, you know.
(...) Yeah, it's so weird. It's like our time together is just ours. It's our own creation. It must be like I'm in your dream, and you in mine, or something."

"Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me,
'How good, how good does it feel to be free?'
And I answer them most mysteriously,
'Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

"our life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you."

como respirar ácido em pulmões chumbados.

de um amargo instinto que assola.

ninguém projeta uma vida assim, ninguém projeta incompreensão sucessiva e sensibilidade e sexualidade sufocadas.

preferem a projeção da confiança e da estabilidade,

e serei sucessivamente indiferente a esta projeção,

por ser sucessivamente fiel ao que há tempos me defini ser.

"A good photograph will prove to the viewer how little our eyes permit us to see. Most people, really, don’t see—see only what they have always seen and what they expect to see—where a photographer, if he’s good, will see everything. And better if he sees things he doesn’t expect to see."

"Well, it’s sort of a vicarious experience when you photograph. Because you’re always on the outside. They’re having a good time there, maybe a family, or a couple families, having a picnic, eating this fried chicken and potato salad and all that junk. And you’re on the outside, you know, trying to sneak a picture. You walk around them and around them and look and look and see if for a moment something might happen, and they don’t invite you to sit down and have fried chicken. You’re always on the outside. And then you go somewhere else, but again you’re on the outside. And if you have somebody with you it’s no good, they detract you from what you’re doing. So you got to be alone and work alone. And it’s a lonely—a very lonely occupation, if you want to call it that."

"Há uma certa concordância de que a modernidade velha funcionou em oposição à sociedade, de modos descritos como negativo, crítico, contestador, subversivo, oposicionista etc. Por outro lado, os clássicos da modernidade anterior são agora parte do chamado cânon e são ensinados em escolas e universidades: o que, por sua vez, os esvazia de todo seu velho potencial subversivo.

Pode-se dizer algo no gênero sobre a pós-modernidade e a sua situação social? Nosso tempo é o do desaparecimento do sentido da história - o sistema social contemporâneo, pouco a pouco, perde sua capacidade de preservar o próprio passado e começa a viver num presente perpétuo, numa perpétua mudança que apaga as tradições que as formações sociais anteriores, de uma maneira ou de outra, tiveram de preservar.

Vimos que existe um modo pelo qual a pós-modernidade repercute e reproduz a lógica da sociedade de consumo. O importante é saber se existe uma forma de resistência a essa lógica. Tal questão, todavia, permanece em aberto."

not dead yet.

"And all these questions I ask myself. It is not in a spirit of curiosity. I cannot be silent. About myself I need know nothing. Here all is clear. No, all is not clear. But the discourse must go on. So one invents obscurities. Rhetoric."

vivendo e imerso no subterrâneo.

(cada vez mais improvável a volta para a superfície)

fotografia, e pouco além.

"Tenho vontade de vomitar, e de me vomitar a mim...

Tenho uma náusea que, se pudesse comer o universo para o despejar na pia, comia-o.

Com esforço, mas era para bom fim.

Ao menos era para um fim.

E assim como sou não tenho nem fim nem vida..."

"fig. Tudo que serve de ligação ou comunicação."

"And, another thing, I never go out with any intentions of photographing any particular thing. I let anything that comes within my sight or in my path that excites me to photograph, I’ll photograph, I don’t care what it is. But I never go out there and say, 'Well, I’m going to look for certain type of pictures today'—maybe, you know, 'It'll be great art, or I can sell them,' or something like that. Or with the intention of going out and trying to take pictures that might have a market. Never. I just go out and photograph and if something I see comes—that I can reach and I’m interested in—I will photograph. I don’t believe in intellectualizing and working in any particular method. Just photograph, period."

"I pause to record that I feel in extraordinary form. Delirium perhaps."

99% da vida sem história, sem passado.

resta apenas aquele 1% já quase completamente apagado da memória.

os outros têm, quase todos.

eu não.

ego vira instinto de sobrevivência.

"Saying is inventing. Wrong, very rightly wrong. You invent nothing, you think you are inventing, you think you are escaping, and all you do is stammer out your lesson, the remnants of a pensum one day got by heart and long forgotten, life without tears, as it is wept."

"Dentro de poucos instantes não vai acontecer nada, tomem cuidado."

"The long blue days, for his head, for his side, and the little paths for his feet, and all the brightness to touch and gather. Through the grass the little mosspaths, bony with old roots, and the trees sticking up, and the flowers sticking up, and the fruit hanging down, and the white exhausted butterflies, and the birds never the same darting all day long into hiding. And all the sounds, meaning nothing. Then at night rest in the quiet house, there are no roads, no streets any more, you lie down by a window opening on refuge, the little sounds come that demand nothing, ordain nothing, explain nothing, propound nothing, and the short necessary night is soon ended, and the sky blue again all over the secret places where nobody ever comes, the secret places never the same, but always simple and indifferent, always mere places, sites of a stirring beyond coming and going, of a being so light and free that it is as the being of nothing."

"What was astonishing to him was how people seemed to run out of their own being, run out of whatever the stuff was that made them who they were and, drained of themselves, turn into the sort of people they would have once have felt sorry for. It was as though while their lives were rich and full they were secretly sick of themselves and couldn't wait to dispose of their sanity and their health and all sense of proportion so as to get down to that other self, the true self, who was a wholly deluded fuckup. It was as though being in tune with life was an accident that might sometimes befall the fortunate young but was otherwise something for which human beings lacked any real affinity. How odd. And how odd it made him seem to be numbered among the countless unembattled normal ones might, in fact, be the abnormality, a stranger from real life because of his being so sturdily rooted.”

"Os jovens são mais aptos para inventar do que para julgar, mais aptos para a execução do que para o assessoramento, e mais aptos para novos projetos do que para atividades já estabelecidas; porque a experiência da idade em coisas que estejam ao alcance dessa idade os dirige; mas em coisas novas, os maltrata. (...) Os jovens, na conduta e na administração dos atos, abraçam mais do que podem segurar, agitam mais do que podem acalmar; voam para o fim sem consideração para com os meios e os graus; perseguem absurdamente alguns princípios com que toparam por acaso; não se importam em '(isto é, em como)' inovar, o que provoca transtornos desconhecidos. (...) Os homens maduros fazem objeções demais, demoram-se demais em consultas, arriscam-se muito pouco, arrependem-se cedo demais e raramente levam o empreendimento até o fim, mas se contentam com uma mediocridade de sucesso. Não há dúvida de que é bom forçar o emprego de ambos (...), porque as virtudes de qualquer um deles poderão corrigir os defeitos dos dois."

"menos elaborada, acabada e consciente de si mesma."

"faceless" beirava o ficcional, uma série não planejada, puramente orgânica.

a consciência de si mesmo que se torna o maior dos abismos.

(não mais ficcional, puramente realista e cotidiana)

all the real people were born dead.

they have the illusion that they coexist.

"Just under the surface I shall be, all together at first, then separate and drift, through all the earth and perhaps in the end through a cliff into the sea, something of me. A ton of worms in an acre, that is a wonderful thought, a ton of worms, I believe it."

"Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work."

"Lóri: uma das coisas que aprendi é que se deve viver apesar de. Apesar de, se deve comer. Apesar de, se deve amar. Apesar de, se deve morrer. Inclusive muitas vezes é o próprio apesar de que nos empurra para a frente.
Foi o apesar de que me deu uma angústia que insatisfeita foi a criadora de minha própria vida."

"Desconfiai do mais trivial, na aparência singelo. E examinai, sobretudo, o que parece habitual. Suplicamos expressamente: não aceiteis o que é de hábito como coisa natural, pois em tempo de desordem sangrenta, de confusão organizada, de arbitrariedade consciente, de humanidade desumanizada, nada deve parecer natural nada deve parecer impossível de mudar."

all you need it's a girl and a camera.

"- Eu penso, interrompeu o homem e sua voz estava lenta e abafada porque ele estava sofrendo de vida e de amor, eu penso o seguinte:"

"Waiting for something to happen
And I wish it was the sixties
I wish I could be happy
I wish
I wish
I wish that something would happen

I want to live and breathe
I want to be part of the human race"

"Nesse tempo, já me dera conta de que procurar era minha sina, emblema de todos aqueles que saem à noite sem qualquer finalidade exata, razão de todos os destruidores de bússolas."

"Esse é só um dos sintomas, ficar muito tempo deitado. Tem outros, físicos. Uma fraqueza por dentro, assim feito dor nos ossos, principalmente nas pernas, na altura dos joelhos. Outro sintoma é uma coisa que chamo de pálpebras ardentes: fecho os olhos e é como se houvesse duas brasas no lugar das pálpebras. Há também essa dor que sobe do olho esquerdo pela fronte, pega um pedaço da testa, em cima da sobrancelha, depois se estende pela cabeça toda e vai se desfazendo aos poucos enquanto caminha em direção ao pescoço. E um nojo constante na boca do estômago, isso eu também tenho. Não tomo nada: nenhum remédio. Não adianta, sei que essa doença não é do corpo."

"Por que recusar acontecimentos? Ter muito ao mesmo tempo, sentir de várias maneiras, reconhecer a vida em diversas fontes(...) Poderia impedir alguém de viver largamente?"

"Aqui estão os loucos. Os desajustados. Os rebeldes. Os criadores de caso. Os pinos redondos nos buracos quadrados. Aqueles que vêem as coisas de forma diferente. Eles não curtem regras. E não respeitam o status quo. Você pode citá-los, discordar deles, glorificá-los ou caluniá-los. Mas a única coisa que você não pode fazer é ignorá-los. Porque eles mudam as coisas. Empurram a raça humana para a frente. E, enquanto alguns os vêem como loucos, nós os vemos como geniais. Porque as pessoas loucas o bastante para acreditar que podem mudar o mundo, são as que o mudam."

"perdeu o rumo quando perdeu

seu sentido de identidade.

e isso aconteceu há muito tempo.

por isto sempre precisa de provas,

provas de que ainda existe.

trata suas historias e experiências

como ovos crus,

como se apenas você

experimentasse as coisas.

por isso fica tirando essas fotos

para provar depois que foi

"você" quem realmente viu algo.

por isso veio.

assim alguém escutaria...

...te escutaria e às suas histórias

que você realmente conta a si mesmo.

como se só a fuga não fosse suficiente."

"You say the hill's to steep to climb, climbing
you say you'ld like to see me try, climbing
you pick the place and I'll choose the time
and I'll climb the hill in my own way
just wait a while for the right day
and as I rise above the tree-line and the clouds
I look down, hearing the sounds of the things you've said today"

"Though I lived a lonely life
I was confused
I'm butcher
Feel nothing

As it closes up my arms
The position of the worms

Up, up, through my heart"

"Please give me a second grace
Please give me a second face"

"I feel like I'm trapped underwater."

"O caráter, assim como a fotografia, desenvolve-se no escuro."

"The more real you get, the more unreal everything else is."

"- You hang on to your pain like it means something, like it's worth something. Well let me tell you, it's not worth shit. Let it go. Infinite possibilities and all he can do is whine.
- Well, what am I supposed to do?
- What do you think? You can do anything, you lucky bastard, you're alive. What's a little pain compared to that?
- It can't be so simple.
- What if it is?"

"Habit-forming and destroys your ability to lead a normal life."

"Free fall flow, river flow on and on it goes
Breath under water till the end
Yes, the river knows"

"Tudo isso, que é nada, subitamente parece tão absurdo e patético e insano e monótono e falso e sobretudo tristíssimo”

"I... I used to make long speeches to you after you left. I used to talk to you all the time, even though I was alone. I walked around for months talking to you. Now I don't know what to say. It was easier when I just imagined you. I even imagined you talking back to me. We'd have long conversations, the two of us. It was almost like you were there. I could hear you, I could see you, smell you. I could hear your voice. Sometimes your voice would wake me up. It would wake me up in the middle of the night, just like you were in the room with me. Then... it slowly faded. I couldn't picture you anymore. I tried to talk out loud to you like I used to, but there was nothing there. I couldn't hear you. Then... I just gave it up. Everything stopped. You just... disappeared. And now I'm working here. I hear your voice all the time. Every man has your voice."

"Inertia is man's greatest temptation."

“Language... has created the word 'loneliness' to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word 'solitude' to express the glory of being alone.”

"Há momentos em que me sinto mais lúcido, e há outros em que pelo contrário sinto uma presença estranha dentro de mim, como se devêssemos ser gêmeos e houvéssemos nascido dois num corpo só (...) Se há os que acreditam em metempsicose, eu tenho o direito de acreditar nessa dualidade de meu ser, ou antes, nessa existência oculta de meu irmão gêmeo dentro de mim e que um dia brotará de meu corpo como um dente de siso retardado. Muitos me julgarão excêntrico por isso, e eu sei que julgam, mas o fato é que sou apenas sincero e não costumo ocultar as perplexidades a que me submete minha natureza, como fazem as outras pessoas."

"A primeira ligação já se tinha involuntariamente partido, e eu me despregava da lei, mesmo intuindo que iria entrar no inferno da matéria viva – que espécie de inferno me aguardava? Mas eu tinha que ir. Eu tinha que cair na danação de minha alma, a curiosidade me consumia (...) estou indo para um inferno de vida crua."

"I'm just sick of ego, ego, ego. My own and everybody else's."

esqueci o primordial quando nasci nesta geração,

esqueci de nascer com sentimentos ausentes.

tornam-se mentes de gêneros facilmente manipuladas pela imposição de egos descartáveis.

elas são alheias a si mesma, elas perdem-se e buscam ser enganadas. por isso que a década dos 20 é sempre a mais manipulada.

devo aceitar ao menos um pouco da arrogância que está em todos. eu não pertenço a esta década, e nunca seria descartável assim como elas se tornam.

por esta lógica, devo estar perto dos 40. e não duvido que realmente estou.

"I'm writing you all this from another world, a world of appearances. In a way the two worlds communicate with each other. Memory is to one what history is to the other: an impossibility."

"Film is like a drug. It is a shelter when you cannot deal with reality."

"It just means that everything in the world is like this transmission, making its way across the dark. But everything – death, life, everything – it’s all completely suffused with static. You know? But if you listen to the static too much, it fucks you up."

"it takes an ocean not to break"

the national was just an concert, no assosciations.

"How can anybody know
How they got to be this way?"

"The human understanding is like a false mirror, which, receiving rays irregularly, distorts and discolors the nature of things by mingling its own nature with it."

"Eu não me orgulho de ter conseguido um filme dialético, mas eu tentei por uma vez, para fazer o espectador através da montagem, 'seu' comentário, ou seja, seu poder."

"A regra do jogo era aquela, um sorriso na vidraça da janela e o direito de seguir uma mulher e esperar desesperadamente que sua conexão coincidisse com a decidida por mim antes de cada viagem; e então — sempre, até agora — vê-la tomar outro corredor e não poder segui-la, obrigado a voltar ao mundo de cima e entrar num café e continuar vivendo até que pouco a pouco, horas ou dias ou semanas, a sede de novo reclamando a possibilidade de que tudo coincidisse eventualmente, mulher e vidraça da janela, sorriso aceito ou rejeitado, conexões de trens e então finalmente sim, então o direito de aproximar-se e dizer a primeira palavra, espessa de tempo estancado, de interminável pilhagem no fundo do poço entre as aranhas da cãibra."

"‎348. Da terra dos canibais
Na solidão o solitário devora a si mesmo, na multidão o devoram muitos. Agora escolha."

"E se corria a oitenta quilômetros por hora em direção às luzes que cresciam pouco a pouco, sem que já se soubesse bem para que tanta pressa, porque essa correria na noite entre automóveis desconhecidos, onde ninguém sabia nada sobre os outros, onde todos olhavam fixamente para a frente, exclusivamente para a frente."

"I knew exactly how I wanted it to play, but you are never sure until you watch the projected images reflect off the screen. That's when you know it worked."

"Pois as pessoas possuem individualidade e (ao menos sob um aspecto) naquele momento eu não era eu mesmo, a só um tempo percebendo sendo a Desindividualização das coisas ao meu redor. Para essa Desindividualização recém-nascida, o comportamento, a aparência, o próprio raciocínio do indivíduo ao meu redor que ela momentaneamente deixara de ser, assim como os dos outros indivíduos (...) - o mundo dos personalismos, da dimensão tempo, dos julgamentos morais e das considerações utilitárias; o mundo - e era esse aspecto da vida humana que, acima de tudo, mais desejava esquecer - o mundo da auto-afirmação, da convicção, da supervalorização da palavra e das noções idolatramente cultuadas."

“Meu trabalho como cineasta é fazer experiências, ser sincero e admirar e tentar compreender as mulheres. O drama de nosso século é a incomunicabilidade, que nos isola uns dos outros. sua presença nos impede de resolver os problemas por nós mesmos. Mas não tenho a pretensão de encontrar uma solução."

"Don’t play what’s there, play what’s not there.”

"Rather than finding a story that I want to tell and then adding the details, I collect the details and then try to construct a puzzle of story. I have a theme and a kind of mood and the characters but not a plotline that runs straight through"

“Às vezes parece que estamos vagando sem objetivo por uma cidade. Caminhamos pela rua, dobramos ao acaso em outra rua, paramos para admirar a cornija de um edifício, nos abaixamos para observar uma mancha de piche no asfalto que nos faz lembrar certos quadros que admiramos, olhamos para os rostos das pessoas que passam na rua, tentando imaginar a vida que carregam dentro delas, entramos num restaurante barato para almoçar, saímos e continuamos (...) talvez cantando para nós mesmos ao caminhar, ou talvez assobiando, ou talvez tentando nos lembrar de algo que esquecemos. Às vezes parece que não estamos indo a lugar algum enquanto caminhamos pela cidade, que estamos procurando um modo de passar o tempo, e que apenas o nosso cansaço nos dirá onde e quando devemos parar. Mas, assim como um passo leva inevitavelmente a outro, cada pensamento inevitavelmente também decorre do pensamento anterior, e no caso de um pensamento engendrar mais de um pensamento isolado (digamos, dois ou três pensamentos, equivalentes um ao outro em todas as suas conseqüências), será necessário não apenas seguir o pensamento até sua conclusão, como também remontar à posição original daquele pensamento para acompanhar o segundo pensamento até sua conclusão, e depois o terceiro pensamento e assim por diante, e dessa forma, se quisermos tentar criar uma imagem mental desse processo, uma rede de caminhos começa a se delinear, como na imagem da corrente sanguínea humana (coração, artérias, veias, capilares), ou como na imagem de um mapa (das ruas de uma cidade, por exemplo, de preferência uma cidade grande, ou mesmo de estradas, como nos mapas de postos de gasolina que se estendem, bifurcam e meneiam através de um continente), de modo que o que realmente estamos fazendo ao caminhar pela cidade é pensando, e pensando de tal forma que nossos pensamentos compõem uma jornada, e essa jornada não é mais nem menos que os passos que demos, de modo que, no fim, podemos dizer com segurança que estivemos numa jornada, e mesmo que não tenhamos saído do quarto foi uma jornada, e podemos dizer com segurança que estivemos em algum lugar, mesmo que não saibamos onde fica”

think less, react more.

"Yes you who must leave everything that you cannot control.
It begins with your family, but soon it comes around to your soul."

"All this pitting of sex against sex, of quality against quality; all this claiming of superiority and imputing of inferiority belong to the private-school stage of human existence where there are sides, and it is necessary for one side to beat another side."

"Tu n'as rien appris, sinon que la solitude n'apprend rien, que l'indifférence n'apprend rien: c'était un leurre, une illusion fascinante et piégée. Tu étais seul et voilà tout et tu voulais te protéger: qu'entre le monde et toi les ponts soient à jamais coupés. Mais tu es si peu de chose et le monde est un si grand mot: tu n'as jamais fait qu'errer dans une grande ville, que longer sur quelques kilomètres des façades, des devantures, des parcs et des quais.

L'indifférence est inutile. Tu peux vouloir ou ne pas vouloir, qu'importe! Faire ou ne pas faire une partie de billard électrique, quelqu'un, de toute façon, glissera une pièce de vingt centimes dans la fente de l'appareil. Tu peux croire qu'à manger chaque jour le même repas tu accomplis un geste décisif. Mais ton refus est inutile. Ta neutralité ne veut rien dire. Ton inertie est aussi vaine que ta colère."

"Indifference has not made you any different."

"The breath of the morning
I keep forgetting the smell of the warm summer air
I live in a town where you can't smell a thing
You watch your feet for cracks in the pavement

High up above aliens hover
Making home movies for the folks back home
Of all these weird creatures who lock up their spirits
Drill holes in themselves and live for their secrets

They're all uptight"

"Estava cansado de si mesmo, dos seus estéreis pensamentos e visões. A vida, um poema?... Não quando se passava a vida a poetar em vez de vivê-la. como ficava oca, então, como ficava vazia, vazia, vazia! Essa perseguição constante do próprio eu, no rastro das próprias pegadas – e em círculo, naturalmente...

Essa comédia simulada: fingir que se atira à corrente da vida e ao mesmo tempo ficar ali agarrado ao anzol, pescando-se a si próprio neste ou naquele curioso disfarce... Ah, se a vida quisesse submergi-lo... A vida, o amor, a paixão, de modo que ele não mais precisasse poetizá-la, porém apenas – em estado de poesia – vivê-la!"

"Ah, onde estou onde passo, ou onde não estou nem passo,
A banalidade devorante das caras de toda a gente!
Ah, a angústia insuportável de gente!
O cansaço inconvertível de ver e ouvir!"

the world is exploding inside my head.

"My thoughts are misguided and a little naive
I twitch and I salivate like with myxomatosis
You should put me in a home or you should put me down
I got myxomatosis
I got myxomatosis
Yeah no one likes a smart ass but we all like stars
But that wasn't my intention, I did it for a reason
It must have got mixed up
Strangled beaten up
I got myxomatosis
I got myxomatosis
I don't know why I
Feel so tongue-tied"

"I see myself forever and ever as the ridiculous man, the lonely soul, the wanderer, the restless frustrated artist, the man in love with love, always in search of the absolute, always seeking the unattainable."

"Uma pedra. Igual a si mesma, como só o são as naturezas inertes. As pessoas escorregam e, se num momento foram, no seguinte já não mais o são; a possibilidade de ser se reduz, contrai, escapa, ou num repente aumenta para explodir inesperada. As coisas se afirmam nelas mesmas em cada segundo de cada minuto. E em cada segundo futuro, serão ainda elas mesmas, sem se acrescentarem ou diminuírem. Para sempre, uma pedra será uma pedra. E por que então, enfim, esta palidez minha? Por que a encarava e pensava, e a constatava em sua permanência despida de mistérios e, no entanto, hesitava? Deveria compreendê-la no passar de olhos e ir adiante sem esperar. Contudo, esperava. De uma pedra -o quê? Se me machucava por dentro e quase tombava, meio aniquilado, impossível prosseguir. Derramar de ternura do vazio de minhas mãos, meus olhos quase verdes de tanto amor recusado, emoções informuladas pelo silêncio de noturna precisão -tudo convergindo para a pedra. Uma fatalidade, o inumano atingir o humano assim, de brusco? A nudez de meus pés devassava o frio. O vidro do rio, a lâmina do vento, a morte do sol. E a pedra. Inatingível."

"Nos parece cada vez más penoso andar, seguir la rutina; sospechamos que una sola noche de desatención sería funesta para las mancuspias la ruina irreparable de nuestra vida"

"Parece, portanto, que homens e mulheres falham igualmente. Parece que não conhecemos em absoluto uma opinião profunda, imparcial e absolutamente justa sobre nossos próximos. Ou somos homens, ou somos mulheres. Ou somos frios, ou somos sentimentais. Ou somos jovens, ou estamos envelhecendo. Em qualquer caso, a vida não é senão uma procissão de sombras, e sabe Deus por que as abraçamos tão avidamente e as vemos partir com tal angústia, já que não passam de sombras. E por que, se isso e muito mais é verdade, por que ainda assim nos surpreendemos no canto da janela com a inesperada visão de que o rapaz na cadeira é, entre todas as coisas do mundo, a mais sólida, a mais real, a que melhor conhecemos – sim, por quê? – Pois, no momento seguinte, já nada sabemos sobre ele".

"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is."

"Nascerá então nos mais fracos, isto é, nos mais numerosos, um estado de espírito derrotista, instalando-se uma verdadeira indústria do pânico, do suicídio, uma indústria com seus criadores, seus consumidores, seus aproveitadores, suas vítimas, seus ideólogos.

Aí, como sempre, as soluções serão individuais. Os mais lúcidos, ao se anteciparem ao século XXI, adotarão, ainda que artificialmente, uma atitude positiva.

Ainda que não sejam os únicos responsáveis, políticos e publicitários contribuem para a crise com sua obsessão em corromper o vocabulário cotidiano.

A palavra ternura utilizada nos slogans tornou-se odiosa e inutilizável numa conversa sincera. A mesma coisa com a palavra sensibilidade.

Por causa dessas pessoas malfazejas e daninhas, preparemo-nos para viver sem ternura e sem sensibilidade, resistindo e rejeitando com um gesto firme sua mão estendida."

"We live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves. The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena; they are crucified alone. Embraced, the lovers desperately try to fuse their insulated ecstasies into a single self-transcendence; in vain. By its very nature every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude. Sensations, feelings, insights, fancies — all these are private and, except through symbols and at second hand, incommunicable. We can pool information about experiences, but never the experiences themselves. From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes."

"I believe that almost all our sadnesses are moments of tension that we find paralyzing because we no longer hear our surprised feelings living. Because we are alone with the alien thing that has entered into our self; because everything intimate and accustomed is for an instant taken away; because we stand in the middle of a transition where we cannot remain standing. For this reason the sadness too passes: the new thing in us, the added thing, has entered into our heart, has gone into its inmost chamber and is not even there any more, is already in our blood. And we do not learn what it was. We could easily be made to believe that nothing has happened, and yet we have changed, as a house changes into which a guest has entered. We cannot say who has come, perhaps we shall never know, but many signs indicate that the future enters into us in this way in order to transform itself in us long before it happens. And this is why it is so important to be lonely and attentive when one is sad: because the apparently uneventful and stark moment at which our future sets foot in us is so much closer to life than that other noisy and fortuitous point of time at which it happens to us as if from outside. The more still, more patient and more open we are when we are sad, so much the deeper and so much the more unswervingly does the new go into us, so much the better do we make it ours, so much the more will it be our destiny, and when on some later day it "happens" (that is, steps forth out of us to others), we shall feel in our inmost selves akin and near to it. And that is necessary. It is necessary and toward this our development will move gradually that nothing strange should befall us, but only that which has long belonged to us. We have already had to think so many of our concepts of motion, we will also gradually learn to realize that that which we call destiny goes forth from within people, not from without into them. Only because so many have not absorbed their destinies and transmuted them within themselves while they were living in them, have they not recognized what has gone forth out of them; it was so strange to them that, in their bewildered fright, they thought it must only just then have entered into them, for they swear never before to have found anything like it in themselves. As people were long mistaken about the motion of the sun, so they are even yet mistaken about the motion of that which is to come. The future stands firm . . . but we move in infinite space.

How should it not be difficult for us?"